As a vasectomist, I realize that a vasectomy, that iconic way to stop family building in its tracks, is not simply a 10-minute procedure. In a man’s life, it is a significant cultural event. I dare you to describe a more personal, scary and misunderstood part of a man’s body with which to meddle. And, recall that men don’t give birth, so their bragging rights after a vasectomy are somewhat limited.
Why do Men Get Vasectomies?
I ask most patients why they are considering a vasectomy. The responses vary, but can be very amusing. Here are a dozen of the funniest answers I’ve heard in my practice:
- My wife said: “the factory is closed,” so I’m here.
- I was told that they broke the mold after they made me, but I want to make sure of it.
- My wife said: “It’s your turn now.”
- After this, I won’t ever have to say I’m sorry again.
- I’m married! Condoms are sooo high school!
- Have you seen the movie ‘One Fine Day?’ That’s why I’m here!
- Every time I look at my wife, she gets pregnant.
- Apparently, sacrificing some limbs just isn’t the same…
- She told me: “Enough, get your wings clipped already!”
- I was told that I can shoot the gun all I want and no one will get hit.
- I heard that it’s easier than getting your teeth pulled out…
- My wife told me that it’s time for juice without seeds.
So, here’s to the most effective contraceptive ever developed and hats off to those men who chose the “emission impossible” way to an unburdened and unbridled sex life.