By Luke Manley, MPH

When you reflect on what it means to be a Man, you probably think in much the same way as generations of men have before you.  The tough Western cowboy, the dutiful soldier, or the heroic fireman. Chances are you don’t consider Adam Sandler’s Billy Madison, Seth McFarlane’s Peter Griffin, or any of the current crop of male TV sitcom characters to be pillars of Masculinity.  Yet while the stoic, focused, and responsible male archetype has persisted for generations, it seems that at no other point in our history has the reality deviated so sharply from the ideal.

In a fascinating new novel, cultural historian Gary Cross explores the modern epidemic of man-boyhood that first infected parts of the WWII generation, spread most noticeably in the Boomer generation, and has now become a part of the cultural genome of the Gen X’ers and Millennials.  Don’t believe it?  Just take a look at the way men are overwhelmingly portrayed in the most popular TV shows and movies.  Awkward, whiny characters stuck in a perpetual state of immaturity that in most cases must be dragged, kicking and screaming away from their toys and into adulthood. Toys that are indistinguishable from those in which they indulged ad nauseum during their teenage and college years.  These man-boys view responsibility and formerly respectable activities such as excelling in a career, marriage, and raising a family as an albatross at best and at worst a curse to be avoided at all costs.  Once resigned to this domestic purgatory, we nurture our portrayal as bumbling, beer-swilling, video-game-addicted, good-for-nothings.  Consider the cultural icons of the older generations, such as Cary Grant, Robert Redford, Humphrey Bogart, and Paul Newman and compare it to today’s stars.  Adam Sandler, Seth Rogen, Hugh Grant, and Russel Brand.  Men whose characters celebrate and revel in their desire to avoid commitment and responsibility.  Most frightening of all is that the statistics bear out this shift.  Surely exacerbated by the current financial crisis, which has hit men especially hard, a staggering 55% of American men between 18 and 24 years old and 13% between 25 and 34 are currently living with their parents.  This is compared to only 8% of women in the same situation.  The average age for marriage has been climbing steadily over the years and now over 16 percent of men reach their early 40s without marrying, up from only 6% in 1980.  What do the statistics say men are doing with all this extra time?  Sadly, not working on their careers, but rather indulging in the same activities that they were unable to leave behind in college.  For example, the average video game player was 18 years old a decade ago.  Want to take a guess at the mean age now?  If you guessed 33 you would be, sadly, correct.

Most interesting is that Mr. Cross traces the roots of much of this change back to the men of the Baby Boomer generation and their rejection of their father’s passive involvement in their childhood.  These men brought about what in many ways was a sea change in the paternal-child relationship, making it acceptable for fathers to no longer be merely the disciplinarian, but take on roles that had always been traditionally reserved for women.  They paved the way for the modern emotionally available, stay-at-home, soccer dads.  However, in subsequent generations this laissez-faire approach to fatherhood appears to have caused an unintended confusion about the role of manhood.   In the quest to dismantle the father-as-authoritarian and regain some of our boyhood to connect more with our kids, we have failed to produce a proper alternative role-model to which men can aspire.  This ambiguousness has led to much of the current culture of men as the loveable, useless, lounge-about; dad as the easy-going playmate that flouts the rules as often as the kids.

Now don’t get me wrong, no one laughs harder at Forgetting Sarah Marshall and Happy Gilmore than I and there is nothing I look forward to more than playing a twilight game of hide-and-seek or having summer water-balloon battles with my kids.  Yet there has to exist a healthy mix of 1950’s responsible disciplinarian and 2010’s lovable playmate (my vote is for Mike Brady or Cliff Huxtable).  There is a dignity and nobility in the balance of softness and strength, a trait that our wives and girlfriends will surely appreciate and which our sons and daughters will benefit from and remember far more than how to beat Level 5 of Rock Band.  I don’t need my kids to call me “Sir”, but I sure as heck don’t want them calling me “Dude”.

References

“Men to Boys: The Making of Modern Immaturity”. Gary Cross. 2010. Book Review: http://cup.columbia.edu/book/978-0-231-14430-8/men-to-boys

Excerpt from “Men to Boys: The Making of Modern Immaturity. History News Network. George Mason University. 2008. http://hnn.us/articles/53417.html

The Basement Boys: The making of modern immaturity. Newsweek. George F. Will. 2010. http://www.newsweek.com/2010/03/07/the-basement-boys.html

By Ramon P. Llamas, MPH, CHES

Imagine this: a father pushing his child in a stroller, fulfilling his duties as a father, seen as attractive and potentially “the new kind of manly.”  Author Katrin Bennhold describes this new definition of masculinity in her article, “In Sweden, Men Can Have It All,” as a “most striking example of social engineering.”  Ms. Bennhold chronicles the country’s progressive policies that currently provide men with up to two months paternity leave, roughly 15% of the time allotted for women.  Currently, the elections in September could possibly grant more time off for fathers.

The current policy as well as the support to increase paternity leave is a bold and innovative concept.  Providing paternity leave to fathers not only assists mothers in child-rearing, but it also reinforces the role that fathers play in raising a child.  Moreover, women have received larger incomes and reduced divorce rates as a result.  A study that examines this public policy’s effect on children, specifically graduation rates and juvenile delinquency has the potential to influence policymakers.

I strongly believe that policies like the aforementioned could create a huge impact in any society.  The task at hand, however, is daunting.  A policy can only go so far.  The individuals, in this case the fathers, themselves have to understand that it is hard work to care for a child.  They also have to be willing to put in the work.

I would like to wish all of the fathers out there a very happy and safe Father’s Day.  And please, take an active role in your child’s life.

Any thoughts as to whether a policy to establish paternity leave could pass in the US?  Please, if you have any questions or comments, email me at ramonl@menshealthnetwork.net.

By Armin Brott

At some point not long after the baby is born, just about every new father gets hit with a sharp jolt of reality: he’s a father–with new responsibilities, new pressures, new expectations to live up to. For some of us, this seemingly basic little epiphany comes early, before we leave the hospital. But for others, reality may not hit for a few days. Sooner or later, though, we all come to realize that our lives have changed forever. Sometimes the changes are subtle, sometimes not so subtle. But they’re almost always surprising.

1. You may be confused. If there’s one thing that sets the first few months of fatherhood apart from the net few years it’s the confusing and often conflicting emotions you may feel. On the one hand there’s the virility, power, and pride at having created a new life. On the other, the feelings of helplessness when you can’t satisfy (or sometimes even understand) your baby’s needs.

Maria (_overfly_), “Papa” October 31, 2008 via Flickr, Creative Commons Attribution.

2. You’ll discover a new and different kind of love. There’s no comparing the all-consuming love you’ll have for your child with the love you have for any other person. Maurice Sendak may have captured the feeling better than any other writer in a scene from Where the Wild Things Are where the monsters plead with Max not to leave them: “Please don’t go,” they say. “We’ll eat you up we love you so.”

3. You’ll feel ambivalence. One day, completely out of the blue, you’ll look at your baby and realize that the intense passion you felt just the day before has been replaced by a numb, hollow feeling. Do you know this child? Do you care? You’ll feel like bagging this whole dad thing and starting a new life somewhere else. Chances are the very next thing you’ll feel is incredible guilt at having had these feelings in the first place. After all, if you aren’t head-over-heels in love your child 100% of the time you’re not a good father, right? Wrong. Ambivalence is a perfectly normal part of being a dad and you’re going to have the same feelings dozens of times over the next 50 years. So get used to it now.

4. You may get depressed. Yep, it’s true. Even though most people think that postpartum blues are a women’s thing, plenty of guys get depressed after their babies are born. Our blues, though, aren’t hormonally based like our partners’, but may, in fact, have more to do with returning to reality. When you were an expectant and brand new dad, people paid more attention to you and probably cut you a little slack. But after a few weeks it’s back to the grid at work, plus you’ve got to deal with all the bills, the sleep interruption, and the extra laundry at home. That’s enough to depress anyone.

5. You’ll be afraid. The first few months of fatherhood are simply littered with fears: that you won’t be able to live up to your expectations of what it means to be a father; that you might not be able to protect your child or your family from harm, that you won’t be able to adequately provide for your family, that you don’t know what to do with your child, that you’ll be too much–or not enough–like your own father, that you’ve made a horrible mistake. These fears and many others are a completely normal part of making the transition from man and husband to father. Some will go away as your skills increase, others will go away with time. But sooner or later they almost all go away.

6. Your relationship with your partner will change. Before you became parents, you and your partner spend a lot of time together, nurturing each other and making your relationship stronger. But once your baby shows up everything changes: now the focus of just about every thing you do is on your baby. You barely have time to sleep let alone do the things that brought you and your partner together in the first place. If at all possible, try to carve out some time, even if it’s only a few minutes a day, to spend talking with your partner–about something other than the baby.

7. You’ll take your baby’s “opinions” a little too seriously. For the first six to eight weeks of life, your baby probably won’t give you much feedback about how you’re doing as a father: no smiles, no laughing, not much response in any way at all. In fact, just about all he’ll do is cry. It’s very easy to take your baby’s lack of enthusiasm as some kind of referendum on your worth as a dad. Don’t. If you back off, your baby will too. So hang in there for a little longer–it’s well worth the wait.

8. You’ll learn new ways of being loved. Over the next few months, as you learn to master your baby’s cues and meet his needs, your baby will learn to love you–and to express that love in the most amazing ways. And the first time that your baby coos as you or hugs you or falls asleep on your chest absentmindedly stroking your shoulder you’ll discover the true meaning of life.

9. Your baby will teach you about planning–and flexibility. Before you became a parent getting ready to leave the house meant grabbing your wallet and car keys and making sure the oven was off. But now, going on a trip to the grocery store with your baby in two takes as much planning as an expedition to Mt. Everest. That’s assuming that your baby doesn’t fill her diaper two or three times just as you’re walking out the door.

10. You’ll talk about very different things than you used to. If someone would have told you a year ago that you’d be willingly participating in long discussions with your friends about projectile vomit, leaky breasts, episiotomies, and the color and consistency of the contents of a diaper, you’d have laughed yourself silly. But you’re doing it, right? And you’re loving it too.

Lastly and importantly to all fathers – new and old everywhere, Happy Father’s Day!

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Blurb about today’s Guest Blogger:

Armin Brott, a nationally recognized parenting expert, is known worldwide as Mr. Dad. He is the leading author of books on fatherhood, which have sold millions of copies worldwide.  Armin writes the nationally syndicated column, “Ask Mr. Dad,” and hosts the “Positive Parenting” radio show. For more information, please visit his website at www.mrdad.com.

By John Lee

Passivity in men has been one of the least studied, discussed, and explained aspects of masculine psychology. Understanding passivity is an essential and important key to creating healthy relationships, increasing self-esteem and healing the bodies, minds, and spirits of men who are hurting or hurting others.

Passivity is a compulsion or learned tendency to live at half-speed which ultimately many men feeling their glass is half-empty and thus they half-heartedly committing to projects, plans and goals. Passive men are half in and half out of relationships.  Passive men are more attached to not having what they think they want or desire, even though they protest loudly this is not so.

A client of mine, James, is 40 and a very successful real estate agent who earns a high six figure income. During a session he said, “I work all the time on my marriage. I’m in therapy, I read books and I regularly attend self-help workshops. No one can say I’m passive.” When asked about his marriage he quickly replied, “I want more physical contact, more touching, and yes, more sex, but I don’t get hardly any at all.”

James wants his wife, Brenda, to be more affectionate and yet he indulges in a whole host of behaviors that guarantees he won’t get this and actually gets him just the opposite of what he thinks and says he really wants.

I asked him to give me an example of his efforts to get affection from his wife, so I could see and show him his passivity and addiction to not having what he says he wants.

James said, “I go into the living room all the time and Brenda is on the couch watching television for hours on end. I say something like, ‘Can’t you turn that thing off for a little while? There’s nothing intelligent or worth watching on TV. I don’t know why you watch these silly shows.’ But she never agrees and I end up storming out of the room frustrated as usual.”

I jokingly said, “How’s that working for you?” Then I offered a suggestion. “Try sitting on the living room couch next to her; gently lifting her legs and placing them on your lap while you massage her feet, instead of shaming, criticizing, demeaning, and judging her. Then simply ask her what’s on that you two can watch together.”

He looked at me like I was speaking in a foreign tongue; in a way it was an unfamiliar language because it was the language of compassion and assertiveness. James looked a little dumbfounded before saying, “No, I have never even thought of it. It sounds so simple. I can see me doing that but I never would have thought to do so. I wonder why?” he said very seriously.

It was because of his passivity and his fears of rejection, abandonment and intimacy.

By the way, he tried my suggestion the very next week. “We got up off the couch ten minutes after doing what you suggested. She looked at me and said ‘Who are you?’ Before I could answer she laughed and said, ‘Never mind, I like this,’ and we got up and got in bed and made love for the first time in a year.”

This same man devoted an exorbitant amount of time to reading about relationships and marital counseling. He said he worked all the time on his marriage. But in reality, he thought his wife had the problem and not him.

Passivity is difficult to identify because one of the greatest tricks a passive man plays on themselves goes something like this, “Look how hard I work. I work eighty hours a week and am the CEO of a large company. How can anyone label me as passive?” or “Look how much I work on myself, how can I be passive?” “Can’t you see I’m suffering? Isn’t that proof that I’m not attached to passivity?”

One of the main symptoms of passivity (we’ll go into many more later) is being out of balance in our personal and professional lives. The passive man’s creed is, “I’m bored,” or “I’m feeling overwhelmed”, and they think the world acts on them and moves them rather than being actors and movers.

It is important to note that passivity causes you to react rather than act, control rather than respond, manipulate rather than make, or self-destruct instead of create. The passivity I am discussing is NOT to be confused with passive/aggressive behaviors, timidity, shyness, apathy, or laziness. It is also not to be misconstrued as “surrendering” or “letting go,” “turning it over,” or “passive resistance.” All of these are very active processes that actually energize the ones doing so. The passivity that is being discussed here is more closely akin to “giving up,” “feeling defeated,” “settling for,” or feeling “unsatisfied.”

Passivity is a learned behavior; a reaction to life that can be unlearned. In part II of this article I will provide readers with concrete solutions to the passivity problem.

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Blurb about today’s Guest Blogger:

John Lee  has been a leader and author in men’s health issues for over a decade. Lee began his career as a professor at Austin Community College, the University of Alabama, and the University of Texas.  He has written 18 self-help, psychology, recovery, creativity, or relationship non-fiction books that explore men’s health issues, like alcoholism and co-dependency.  In addition to literature, Lee has advocated for the maintenance and improvement of men’s health in magazines, like Newsweek and on shows such as Oprah and 20/20.  In 1986, Lee co-founded Primary, Emotional, Energy, Recovery (P.E.E.R.), a training program for counselors, social workers, and psychotherapists.  Two years later, he founded and directed Austin’s Men’s Center, a counseling center that specializes in men’s issues.  In the late 1980’s, he opened his own private practice in Austin, Texas specializing in men’s issues, relationships, adult children of alcoholics, and co-dependency. His latest two books, The Anger Solution and When the Buddha Met Bubba, are on sale now on Amazon.com. More information about John Lee can be found on his web site www.johnleebooks.com and on his daily blog at http://openingtheheartnow.blogspot.com.

By Armin Brott

For the last 15 years, I have devoted myself to providing men the tools, support, and knowledge to help them become the fathers they want to be——and their families need them to be. As a former Marine, I understand completely the barriers and issues that come up for men when deployment is over and it’s time to return to the wife and kids.  In honor of Armed Forces Day (May 15, 2010), I wanted to reiterate an answer that most military families find useful to the question of “how easy is it to come back home from a long deployment?”

There’s nothing like being away from your family to get you thinking about making life better when you get home. “I’m going to spend more time with the family; not get upset over minor things like spills on the carpet, clogged toilets, or idiot politicians; and help the kids more with their homework.” All are great goals. The problem is that the guy who made those resolutions (you) may not be the same guy who’ll be trying to make them a reality (also you): Although things may look pretty much the same as they did before you left, being deployed has changed you. Lots of other things have changed too:

• Friends. You just spent the 6-12 months (or longer) with some very close friends, living through the same hardships, facing the same dangers, and providing emotional and social support to each other. Friends back home are great, but unless they were deployed too, they probably have no idea what you’ve been through, and you may find that you don’t have much in common anymore.
• Roles. One of the hardest things for returning dads is to figure out how to plug themselves back into their family. It’s natural to imagine that you’ll jump right in and pick up as if you’d never left. That’s a lovely thought, but a completely unrealistic one. While you were gone, your family had to create new routines, new ways of communicating and making decisions, new approaches to discipline. Call is “a new normal.” Mom has been the primary decision maker, the kids have taken on some of your old chores, and no one may be interested in making any changes. That might be okay if someone took over the lawn-mowing duties, but what if someone has taken to sitting in your favorite chair?

While you may be proud that your family came through your deployment in good shape, you may also be a little surprised—and, honestly, a little disappointed. After all, the logic goes, if they thrived so well without you, do they need you anymore? The answer is, Yes. A lot. They love you, too, and want you to be a part of the family again, to resume your duties as teacher, mentor, authority figure, fixer of all things broken, bad joke teller, and heavy lifting guy. It’s just going to take some time. Chances are, you’ll never get back 100 percent to the “old normal,” the way things were. Instead, you, your wife, and your kids will end up creating a completely new routine that combines the best of the pre-deployment and during-deployment ones.

• Even the animals. Some pets may not like having to compete with you for attention, and may resent that you’re sleeping on “their” side of the bed. Be prepared for some unusual behavior and some unpleasant “gifts” (cats are especially fond of punishing their owners for perceived slights . . . ).

• Heck, the whole world seems to have changed. The TV Guide is filled with television shows you’ve never heard of. Menus at your favorite restaurants may have changed—assuming they’re still there at all. Ditto for the guest policy at your local gym. Changes like these—and there will be lots of them—will make settling in to your old/new life a bit harder. Unfortunately, there is no handy While You Were Away: Important Things That Have Changed handbook. You’ll also have to get used to some of the things that haven’t changed but that you got unused to while you were gone. For example, you no longer have to wait in line to use a telephone, and you’re no longer limited to watching old, scratched-up DVDs on your base computer. Now, you can actually go to a theater to see a first-run movie, or get an almost-first-run movie from Netflix. And you can, gasp, actually watch live television (although you may not want to. How many crime shows do we actually need? Keep an eye out for CSI: Peoria).

While some of these changes are good, others may be more troubling. For example, it’s going to take a while for you to stop worrying that every car that pulls up alongside you might be a potential suicide bomber or part of an ambush. And it could take years before you’re able to stop ducking for cover every time you hear a loud noise or a bang. These things won’t just affect you. It can be more than a little frustrating for your family to have you constantly worrying that you’re about to be blown up.

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Blurb about today’s Guest Blogger:

Armin Brott, a nationally recognized parenting expert, is known worldwide as Mr. Dad. He is the leading author of books on fatherhood, which have sold millions of copies worldwide.  Armin writes the nationally syndicated column, “Ask Mr. Dad,” and hosts the “Positive Parenting” radio show. For more information, please visit his website at www.mrdad.com.

By Brandon Leonard, MA

The recent observance of Mother’s Day is a good opportunity to give thanks for the care that mothers and other women in our lives have provided, the ways they have contributed to our well being, and the lessons they have taught us about taking care of ourselves.   Women often take the lead in demonstrating and encouraging healthy behaviors in their families and in social groups, and this leadership has important impacts on the lives of men.   When this leadership is directed toward children and young adults, it might take the form of teaching good hygiene, encouraging preventive health care, and demonstrating the value of a balanced diet.  The leadership role of women, as mothers, wives, sisters and friends, continues as their male counterparts age with them and often need a loving push to get started on an exercise regimen or get a crucial screening at their doctor’s office.

The Men’s Health Network has long acknowledged the important role that women play in encouraging their male family members and friends to improve their health.  For this reason, MHN offers a variety of resources targeted to women so that they can better understand and respond to men’s health issues.  These can be found on the MHN website at http://www.menshealthnetwork.org/women.htm.  Women who have been touched by prostate cancer will find support, community, and ways to respond  at Women Against Prostate Cancer (http://www.womenagainstprostatecancer.org/).

We are profoundly grateful for the support that so many women have provided to MHN’s initiatives on behalf of men throughout the country.  We also want to acknowledge the work that women are doing to promote health in their families and communities every day.  A happy belated Mother’s Day to you all.

Please learn more about National Women’s Health Week (May 9-May 15) at http://ht.ly/1Ig6d/

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By Ramon P. Llamas, MPH

First of all, Happy New Year!

USA Today featured a comprehensive story on college football coaches and their total salaries (breakdowns of base salaries and bonuses, etc.) in early November. The highest paid coaches in 2009 lead the most prestigious football programs in the country, including Pete Carroll of Southern California, Bob Stoops of Oklahoma and Urban Meyers of Florida, among others. The aforementioned coaches made at least $4 million dollars in total salary in 2009 (access the full list here). $4 million. A salary of $4 million is higher than most professions, but unfortunately the pressures of receiving such a salary can take their toll. Urban Meyer, for example, recently resigned from his coaching job at the University of Florida due to recent health problems, in which Meyer lost consciousness and was admitted to the hospital. Fortunately for Meyer, there was no heart damage. But he had been experiencing chest pains for the past two years. He reportedly lost 20 pounds during a 10-day period around the SEC title game against arch-rival Alabama. A competitive drive and relentlessness such as Meyer’s are shared, to some degree, by many. It is this same drive that leads to burn out and potential health problems. It is important to be aware of warning signs and symptoms and to discuss any concerns with a physician. Take note of changes and the duration of those changes. For example, weight loss in the past 10 days resulting from a loss of appetite. It is important that each of us takes a more proactive role in maintain our health and well-being, both physically and mentally. Physicians cannot be relied upon to solve all of our health care problems; their job is done more accurately and efficiently when we are fully engaged and assist them in the process.
For this new year, I encourage each of you to reflect on what your health means to you. Remember that health is a resource for living. It is our vehicle to enjoy all that life has to offer, whether it’s traveling, sports, cooking, music or the arts. I wish each of you a healthy and prosperous 2010!

If you have any questions or comments, please drop me a line at ramonl@menshealthnetwork.net.

by Brandon Leonard, MA

It seems the holiday season starts earlier every year.  Even before Thanksgiving, retailers had taken the opportunity to roll out the lights and specialty goods for a host of upcoming holidays.  In some ways, this can be exciting: many people associate this time of year with favorite traditions, time with family and old friends, and a good excuse to enjoy lots of food and entertainment.

On the other hand, the stretch from now till early January can also be daunting or even depressing for some people.  Getting everything perfect for family get-togethers or concerts and doing all that last minute shopping is often stressful, and tight budgets this year will further complicate things.  This is also a difficult time of year for those who have lost loved ones and wish they could be here for the holidays, or for those who have strained relationships with family.

Through the challenges, as well as the frantic celebration, it’s good to keep some perspective on what these holidays are all about.  It was never supposed to be a time to see how many perfect gifts you could buy for others, or to find out who has the best yard decorations.  No matter what your faith tradition, these weeks are a little sliver of the year that we cut out to be grateful for what we have.  It’s important to take some time out of the schedule for yourself and think about what really matters to you, and what you are grateful for in that moment.  Maybe that’s your child, your job, your partner, your health, or a commitment that you can make to yourself to improve some area of your life.

I hope that you’ll take that time out this holiday season – a time we are told to think of others (a very noble suggestion) and consider your own well-being.  After all, if you are coming to life from a place of poverty or ill health, it is hard to make others comfortable and well.  For some more tips on taking care of yourself at this time of year, the Mayo Clinic has given great tips to prevent the holiday stress and depression:

• Acknowledge your feelings.
  
• Reach out.
  
• Be realistic.
  
• Set aside differences.
  
• Stick to a budget.
  
• Plan ahead.
• Learn to say no.
  
• Don’t abandon healthy habits.
  
• Take a breather.

Source: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/stress/MH00030

Here’s a link to the rest of the article from the Mayo Clinic where you can read more about the bullet points and about handling holiday stress.  Be well, and don’t lose sight of what the season is all about: gratitude.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this Independence Day.  The 4^th of July is a time to enjoy the big Fs: food, friends, family, fireworks – at least that’s the way it’s always been for me.  This year I’ve been thinking about the personal significance of this holiday, and the recent month that just passed including Father’s Day and Men’s Health Week.  For years, the 4^th of July was the one holiday that my parents and I would host.  Every year we would say we wouldn’t do it again because it was so much work to get ready – but then we’d do it anyway because it was so much fun.  All the family would come, and some friends of ours who heard we had the best food, not to mention games and sometimes our own little fireworks demo.  The star of the show was unquestionably my dad, who loved to host these events.  He would make the melon boat, cook shish-kebobs on the grill, grind the homemade ice cream and dare any newcomers to challenge him at ping-pong.  It made him happy to have everyone there and to see them having fun. 

It’s funny when you think about it, we need a day set aside to celebrate the things that matter the most to us, not least of which is our freedom.  Kind of like Father’s Day, when we devote a tiny fraction of our year to pay tribute to the men who for many of us have helped to shape us into the people we are today.  Or Men’s Health Week, when we make a concentrated push to encourage men to take better care of themselves so that they can live longer, healthier lives. 

All of these occasions serve an important purpose, and I’m glad that we have them.  At the same time, I’d like to make the case that we should live each day as a celebration of the good things we have been blessed with, we should always find the time to thank the men (and women) who have made a difference in our lives, and we should at all times be looking for ways that we can improve our health. 

I know that for many people, and perhaps particularly for men, taking action related to our health is a huge challenge.  Changing your eating habits, following through on an exercise routine, making a long-needed visit to your doctor for a check-up – these are all inconvenient in the face of everything else we have going on in our daily lives.  But then, so is disease.  Men of all ages owe it to themselves and to those who love them to take a moment and analyze their health, then take some steps to get to where they want to be.  Maybe you already know the answers and just need to get started.  Or maybe you have a lot of questions and could use some advice.  In either case, I would encourage you to take a look at the resources available from the Men’s Health Network at http://www.menshealthnetwork.org/. 

The 4^th of July has been very different for my family the last three years, since my dad died of a rare cancer with practically no warning, less than two months before his favorite holiday in 2007.  There are still the get-togethers and eating, and sometimes fireworks, but not at our old place anymore.  There’s a certain emptiness every time the 4^th comes around, knowing that it won’t be the same again.  And Father’s Day brings up mixed emotions.  It is painful to not have my dad here to celebrate with, but I am passionately committed to making sure that is not the case for others my age. 

If you have been struggling with deciding when the time is right to take serious, positive action toward your health, or if you have been waiting for the moment when you don’t have anything else to do, please take this to heart: the time to start is now, and the day to be completely devoted to your health is every day.  If you believe it, you’ll have a lot of more holidays to celebrate.

In light to President Obama’s speech today at AMA in Chicago, prevention seems to be the main thing I took away from listening to his speech. Of course, there were words directed to those doctors who haven’t been helping out to our frail health care by “tycoon-ing” the industry for profits, but preventive health are the key words to keep in mind. This Sunday when you are celebrating Father’s Day, you should give your Father a similar Presidential speech on his personal health and well being reform.

On crafting your speech to your Father, your main goal is to urge your father by helping them take care of their health. (If like to joke around, you could say you are “returning the flavor”). I did some research and found “Dads difference in child development:” in the MHN’s library. (http://www.menshealthnetwork.org/library/ddcd.pdf). I thought it would be great to use the first two bullet points and adjust them a little bit to help you in your speech and things to keep in mind for Father’s Day.

In order to tailor your health concerns to your fathers on Father’s Day,  you must be ADAPTIVE and have problem solving abilities.  Just as when you were an infant and “having a father around during the first eighteen to twenty-four months of life a more secure in exploring the world around them,” you must be around to support them through lifestyle changes or I like to call them, lifestyle adjustments. FOR EXAMPLE, on this Father’s day, let’s try eating sugar free items if your Father has diabetes. If he sees you doing it, maybe he will like it more. That leads me to EMPATHY. “The strongest predictor of a child’s empathic concern for others in adult life is a high level of paternal child care.” Social support has been known to help elderly men when dealing with health issues. By giving good care to your father, you will be able to lower his risk for depression and isolated feelings along with know that you love him.

Of course, he may not listen or comprehend your whole speech, but let’s just hope he can take away the same message I did with President Obama’s speech: prevention. If he can focus on including preventive measures to his everyday activities, he won’t have to worry about curative measures later on, especially in the hospitals. Let Father’s Day be reminder of how he helped you develop throughout the years. Empower yourself to return the favor to Father by helping him to survive longer than the U.S. average male mortality age of 75.2 (National Vital Statistics System 2005 Data, all races combined). With your support and guidance, your Father can change; just give them time to grow and foster their strives like they did for you-your entire life.

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