By Brandon Leonard, MA

Although summer break for many Americans is inconceivably more than half over, there are still many vacations, barbeques and outdoor games to be had. While you’re enjoying the sunshine, make sure you’re being nice to your skin. This is of particular concern to men, who on average spend more time outdoors for both work and play than women. Unfortunately, men also appear to be less aware of the risks of sun exposure and do less to protect themselves when they’re outside. According to the Skin Cancer Foundation, white men over 50 are the demographic with the highest rate of skin cancer, and men in general are less like to take precautions or to quickly deal with skin issues when they do develop. Do men just care less about taking care of themselves? The results of a 2006 study about the prevalence of sun-care products in popular U.S. magazines suggests that part of the issue is simply lack of awareness. Analyzing summer issues of the magazines, the researchers found that 77% of advertising for sunscreen and similar products occurred in women’s magazines, while publications targeting men such as outdoor recreation magazines included such ads only once every six issues on average. There’s a self-perpetuating cycle of public perception that men don’t care as much about their health, and then less information targeting men with products and suggestions that can help them avoid serious health issues.

I’m not suggesting that sunscreen is the ultimate solution to skin diseases such as melanoma. But certainly, using the appropriate kind and amount of these products is one of the best ways to protect yourself if you’re going to be outside. Other simple suggestions: don’t leave home without a hat and sunglasses, and when possible wear a long-sleeve shirt to better protect your arms (wear sunscreen anyway). For some helpful tips on when, where and what type of sunscreen to use, take a look at this page from the Skin Cancer Foundation: http://www.skincancer.org/sunscreens-explained.html. One important note is that clouds don’t keep all of the sun’s rays from reaching your skin – so get in the habit of wearing some sunscreen daily, no matter what the weather is like. Equally important is being aware of changes in your skin such as moles and sores that could be symptomatic of cancer or other serious diseases. Some helpful tips on what to look for can be found here: http://www.skincancer.org/Self-Examination/. When you spot changes or irregularities, be sure to see a doctor right away. Finally, help your family and friends by encouraging them to protect themselves from overexposure to the sun and to perform regular self-examinations to catch any problems early. Enjoy the rest of your summer, and don’t forget to take care of your skin!

References:

“Men and Skin Cancer: Solving the Knowledge Gap.” The Skin Cancer Foundation. 2010. http://www.skincancer.org/Self-Examination/.

“BU dermatology study says sunscreen advertising doesn’t reach men.” BU Today. June 7, 2006. http://www.bu.edu/today/node/1569

By Luke Manley, MPH

When you reflect on what it means to be a Man, you probably think in much the same way as generations of men have before you.  The tough Western cowboy, the dutiful soldier, or the heroic fireman. Chances are you don’t consider Adam Sandler’s Billy Madison, Seth McFarlane’s Peter Griffin, or any of the current crop of male TV sitcom characters to be pillars of Masculinity.  Yet while the stoic, focused, and responsible male archetype has persisted for generations, it seems that at no other point in our history has the reality deviated so sharply from the ideal.

In a fascinating new novel, cultural historian Gary Cross explores the modern epidemic of man-boyhood that first infected parts of the WWII generation, spread most noticeably in the Boomer generation, and has now become a part of the cultural genome of the Gen X’ers and Millennials.  Don’t believe it?  Just take a look at the way men are overwhelmingly portrayed in the most popular TV shows and movies.  Awkward, whiny characters stuck in a perpetual state of immaturity that in most cases must be dragged, kicking and screaming away from their toys and into adulthood. Toys that are indistinguishable from those in which they indulged ad nauseum during their teenage and college years.  These man-boys view responsibility and formerly respectable activities such as excelling in a career, marriage, and raising a family as an albatross at best and at worst a curse to be avoided at all costs.  Once resigned to this domestic purgatory, we nurture our portrayal as bumbling, beer-swilling, video-game-addicted, good-for-nothings.  Consider the cultural icons of the older generations, such as Cary Grant, Robert Redford, Humphrey Bogart, and Paul Newman and compare it to today’s stars.  Adam Sandler, Seth Rogen, Hugh Grant, and Russel Brand.  Men whose characters celebrate and revel in their desire to avoid commitment and responsibility.  Most frightening of all is that the statistics bear out this shift.  Surely exacerbated by the current financial crisis, which has hit men especially hard, a staggering 55% of American men between 18 and 24 years old and 13% between 25 and 34 are currently living with their parents.  This is compared to only 8% of women in the same situation.  The average age for marriage has been climbing steadily over the years and now over 16 percent of men reach their early 40s without marrying, up from only 6% in 1980.  What do the statistics say men are doing with all this extra time?  Sadly, not working on their careers, but rather indulging in the same activities that they were unable to leave behind in college.  For example, the average video game player was 18 years old a decade ago.  Want to take a guess at the mean age now?  If you guessed 33 you would be, sadly, correct.

Most interesting is that Mr. Cross traces the roots of much of this change back to the men of the Baby Boomer generation and their rejection of their father’s passive involvement in their childhood.  These men brought about what in many ways was a sea change in the paternal-child relationship, making it acceptable for fathers to no longer be merely the disciplinarian, but take on roles that had always been traditionally reserved for women.  They paved the way for the modern emotionally available, stay-at-home, soccer dads.  However, in subsequent generations this laissez-faire approach to fatherhood appears to have caused an unintended confusion about the role of manhood.   In the quest to dismantle the father-as-authoritarian and regain some of our boyhood to connect more with our kids, we have failed to produce a proper alternative role-model to which men can aspire.  This ambiguousness has led to much of the current culture of men as the loveable, useless, lounge-about; dad as the easy-going playmate that flouts the rules as often as the kids.

Now don’t get me wrong, no one laughs harder at Forgetting Sarah Marshall and Happy Gilmore than I and there is nothing I look forward to more than playing a twilight game of hide-and-seek or having summer water-balloon battles with my kids.  Yet there has to exist a healthy mix of 1950’s responsible disciplinarian and 2010’s lovable playmate (my vote is for Mike Brady or Cliff Huxtable).  There is a dignity and nobility in the balance of softness and strength, a trait that our wives and girlfriends will surely appreciate and which our sons and daughters will benefit from and remember far more than how to beat Level 5 of Rock Band.  I don’t need my kids to call me “Sir”, but I sure as heck don’t want them calling me “Dude”.

References

“Men to Boys: The Making of Modern Immaturity”. Gary Cross. 2010. Book Review: http://cup.columbia.edu/book/978-0-231-14430-8/men-to-boys

Excerpt from “Men to Boys: The Making of Modern Immaturity. History News Network. George Mason University. 2008. http://hnn.us/articles/53417.html

The Basement Boys: The making of modern immaturity. Newsweek. George F. Will. 2010. http://www.newsweek.com/2010/03/07/the-basement-boys.html

By Jed Diamond, Ph.D.

I began working on my male menopause series when I turned 50.  The changes hit me like a ton of bricks.  Everything seemed to be falling apart at once.  My erections were going south, my hormones were dropping off, my energy was going down, my sleeplessness was increasing, my prostate was enlarging.  My children were growing up and leaving home.

I wanted answers in the worst way.  And I wasn’t alone.  Mid-life men and women weren’t content to slip quietly into old age.  When I began research for the book Male Menopause most people laughed at the idea.  Well, really to be truthful, most men laughed at the idea.  Most of the women I talked to said things like, “Well, it’s about time men finally figured out that they are as hormonal as women.”

I said, “After completing four years of research, I concluded that midlife men have significant hormonal and physiological changes and that ‘male menopause’ was the proper name to describe what all men experience as they move from the first half of life to the second.”

When I began my research, I assumed I would find that men and women differed greatly in how they experienced the “change of life.”  I expected women’s changes to be more physiological and hormonal and men’s changes to be more psychological and social.  But it turned out that as many women suspected, men were every bit as hormonally driven as were women.

And once again I ran into a resistant belief system.  In our youth oriented culture, we didn’t want to believe that hormonal and physiological changes were impacting men.  In fact, most physicians I talked to felt that “male menopause” was a myth.  However, in England, Germany, Denmark, Russia, Australia, and many other countries more and more medical professional were recognizing the reality of male menopause.

Here’s what I said about Male Menopause:

Male menopause (also called viropause or andropause) begins with hormonal, physiological, and chemical changes that occur in all men generally between the ages of forty and fifty-five, though it can occur as early as thirty-five or as late as sixty-five.  These changes affect all aspects of a man’s life.  Male menopause is, thus, a physical condition with psychological, interpersonal, social, and spiritual dimensions.

The purpose of male menopause is to signal the end of the first part of a man’s life and prepare him for the second half.  Male menopause is not the beginning of the end, as many fear, but the end of the beginning.  It is the passage to the most passionate, powerful, productive, and purposeful time of a man’s life.

The three books in the series, Male Menopause, Surviving Male Menopause, and The Whole Man Program became best-sellers throughout the world and were translated into more than 30 foreign languages.  As more and more men move into and through the male menopause passage, we continue to learn more about what it means to be a male today.

Although, they became world-wide best-sellers, what was most satisfying was that they honored the memory of my father.  Going through his own “male menopause passage,” he tried to commit suicide.  No one understood what was going on for him and he was shipped off to a mental hospital.  It didn’t have to be that way.

I know I’ve been able to save thousands of families from going through what we went through.  Male Menopause is real and it can be treated.  Men don’t need to suffer the despair that overwhelmed my father.

—–

Blurb about Guest Blogger:

Dr. Jed Diamond have been helping men, and the women who love them, for the last 44 years. He has written 8 books, including Male Menopause, The Irritable Male Syndrome, and Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places. He is passionate about helping transform relationships and make the world a better place for us all. For more information, please go to www.menalive.com.

By John Lee

Passivity in men has been one of the least studied, discussed, and explained aspects of masculine psychology. Understanding passivity is an essential and important key to creating healthy relationships, increasing self-esteem and healing the bodies, minds, and spirits of men who are hurting or hurting others.

Passivity is a compulsion or learned tendency to live at half-speed which ultimately many men feeling their glass is half-empty and thus they half-heartedly committing to projects, plans and goals. Passive men are half in and half out of relationships.  Passive men are more attached to not having what they think they want or desire, even though they protest loudly this is not so.

A client of mine, James, is 40 and a very successful real estate agent who earns a high six figure income. During a session he said, “I work all the time on my marriage. I’m in therapy, I read books and I regularly attend self-help workshops. No one can say I’m passive.” When asked about his marriage he quickly replied, “I want more physical contact, more touching, and yes, more sex, but I don’t get hardly any at all.”

James wants his wife, Brenda, to be more affectionate and yet he indulges in a whole host of behaviors that guarantees he won’t get this and actually gets him just the opposite of what he thinks and says he really wants.

I asked him to give me an example of his efforts to get affection from his wife, so I could see and show him his passivity and addiction to not having what he says he wants.

James said, “I go into the living room all the time and Brenda is on the couch watching television for hours on end. I say something like, ‘Can’t you turn that thing off for a little while? There’s nothing intelligent or worth watching on TV. I don’t know why you watch these silly shows.’ But she never agrees and I end up storming out of the room frustrated as usual.”

I jokingly said, “How’s that working for you?” Then I offered a suggestion. “Try sitting on the living room couch next to her; gently lifting her legs and placing them on your lap while you massage her feet, instead of shaming, criticizing, demeaning, and judging her. Then simply ask her what’s on that you two can watch together.”

He looked at me like I was speaking in a foreign tongue; in a way it was an unfamiliar language because it was the language of compassion and assertiveness. James looked a little dumbfounded before saying, “No, I have never even thought of it. It sounds so simple. I can see me doing that but I never would have thought to do so. I wonder why?” he said very seriously.

It was because of his passivity and his fears of rejection, abandonment and intimacy.

By the way, he tried my suggestion the very next week. “We got up off the couch ten minutes after doing what you suggested. She looked at me and said ‘Who are you?’ Before I could answer she laughed and said, ‘Never mind, I like this,’ and we got up and got in bed and made love for the first time in a year.”

This same man devoted an exorbitant amount of time to reading about relationships and marital counseling. He said he worked all the time on his marriage. But in reality, he thought his wife had the problem and not him.

Passivity is difficult to identify because one of the greatest tricks a passive man plays on themselves goes something like this, “Look how hard I work. I work eighty hours a week and am the CEO of a large company. How can anyone label me as passive?” or “Look how much I work on myself, how can I be passive?” “Can’t you see I’m suffering? Isn’t that proof that I’m not attached to passivity?”

One of the main symptoms of passivity (we’ll go into many more later) is being out of balance in our personal and professional lives. The passive man’s creed is, “I’m bored,” or “I’m feeling overwhelmed”, and they think the world acts on them and moves them rather than being actors and movers.

It is important to note that passivity causes you to react rather than act, control rather than respond, manipulate rather than make, or self-destruct instead of create. The passivity I am discussing is NOT to be confused with passive/aggressive behaviors, timidity, shyness, apathy, or laziness. It is also not to be misconstrued as “surrendering” or “letting go,” “turning it over,” or “passive resistance.” All of these are very active processes that actually energize the ones doing so. The passivity that is being discussed here is more closely akin to “giving up,” “feeling defeated,” “settling for,” or feeling “unsatisfied.”

Passivity is a learned behavior; a reaction to life that can be unlearned. In part II of this article I will provide readers with concrete solutions to the passivity problem.

——–

Blurb about today’s Guest Blogger:

John Lee  has been a leader and author in men’s health issues for over a decade. Lee began his career as a professor at Austin Community College, the University of Alabama, and the University of Texas.  He has written 18 self-help, psychology, recovery, creativity, or relationship non-fiction books that explore men’s health issues, like alcoholism and co-dependency.  In addition to literature, Lee has advocated for the maintenance and improvement of men’s health in magazines, like Newsweek and on shows such as Oprah and 20/20.  In 1986, Lee co-founded Primary, Emotional, Energy, Recovery (P.E.E.R.), a training program for counselors, social workers, and psychotherapists.  Two years later, he founded and directed Austin’s Men’s Center, a counseling center that specializes in men’s issues.  In the late 1980’s, he opened his own private practice in Austin, Texas specializing in men’s issues, relationships, adult children of alcoholics, and co-dependency. His latest two books, The Anger Solution and When the Buddha Met Bubba, are on sale now on Amazon.com. More information about John Lee can be found on his web site www.johnleebooks.com and on his daily blog at http://openingtheheartnow.blogspot.com.

By Sonny Patel, MPH

Men’s Health Week has officially started and if you weren’t aware from all the twitter and facebook messages, please let us at TAMH be the first to welcome you to the “please send men to the doctors” movement as I call it. There’s so much going on and news being shared this week that I thought I would give you the quick highlights of what to check out so far.

USA Today article – Your Health: New dads can be a cautious lot – Highlights one of our guest blogger Armin Brott!
http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/painter/2010-06-14-yourhealth14_ST_N.htm?loc=interstitialskip

Men’s Health Network (@MensHlthNetwork) – June’s Men’s Health Calendar – All your needs for what’s happening around the nation as MHN tried to incorporated all things Men’s health related into one calendar.
http://www.menshealthnetwork.org/calendar.htm
http://www.menshealthmonth.org/week/index.html

California Chapter of MHN - If you are in San Francisco this weekend, come out to the Alemany Farmer’s Market in San Francisco this Saturday, June 19 to visit the California MHN booth! Make sure to say that you heard it from TAMH! 

CDC – Even CDC is getting into the action of Men’s Health week
http://www.cdc.gov/men/nmhw/

Social Security (@socialsecurity) - Social Security has a Father’s Day campaign to help those men to qualify for medicare prescription drug plan. www.socialsecurity.gov/extrahelp

Help Dad this Father’s Day with Extra Help!

This Father’s Day, tell your dad or someone you love about changes in the law that make it easier than ever to qualify for Extra Help with Medicare prescription drug plan costs. Thanks to a change in the law effective January 1, 2010, more people may qualify for an average of $3,900 in prescription drug savings.

For more information, go to www.socialsecurity.gov/extrahelp. It’s easy to help your dad apply for Extra Help. Just complete Social Security’s online Application for Extra Help with Medicare Prescription Drug Plan Costs. Also, you can call Social Security at 1-800-772-1213 (TTY 1-800-325-0778) to apply over the phone or request an application, or you can apply at a local Social Security office.

U.S. Department of Health and Human Services’ Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality and Ad Council – There’s two wonderful PSAs recently done by AHRQ and AdCouncil. Thanks to them for allowing us to post it here on TAMH, and please view both PSAs: Warranty and New Home  (there’s a drop down box to watch other PSA).  For the whole press release, please check out http://multivu.prnewswire.com/mnr/adcouncil/44387/

Need electronic Father’s Day card? Why not send a Healthy E-card to your Father brought to you by AHRQ and Ad Council!  http://www.dadtothedoc.org/

Feel free to tweet about anything I mention above and send me (@sonnypatel) your thoughts on Men’s health efforts happening this week in your area along with your comments on the PSAs  by AHRQ and Ad Council.

Until next time, live well and be well!

-Sonny

By Brandon Leonard, MA

With dozens of activities happening around the country to mark Men’s Health Month, this seems like the perfect time to announce the launch of the new California Men’s Health Network.  This chapter of the national MHN will allow us to promote men’s health through both statewide and local initiatives in the Golden State.  These include:

• Health Screenings and Education:

The California Men’s Health Network will sponsor and help to organize free men’s health screenings and information sessions, covering issues such as heart, prostate and mental health.  These events will be held in partnership with civic organizations, clinics, churches, employers, and other entities interested in promoting the health of men in their communities.

• College and University Outreach:

College is the time that many young people first begin taking responsibility for their own health.  Young men are less likely than their female counterparts to engage in behaviors promoting their health, and schools do not typically focus on men’s health issues as part of their health programs.  The California Men’s Health Network proposes to partner with universities in the state, offering informative training sessions for student health workers about men’s health issues along with materials that they can reference, hand out to students, and place in common areas.

• California Men’s Health Summit:

The California Men’s Health Network plans to organization an annual Men’s Health Summit that will attract both health professionals and potential leaders in men’s health.  During the summit, participants will learn about ways to engage men and their families in dialogues about their health and to organize local events promoting public health.

• Connecting Resources:

California MHN will serve as a hub for organizations and individuals with an interest in advancing men’s health.  We will not duplicate the efforts of other organizations, but find the synergy between the strengths of existing groups and leverage this power toward meaningful changes in men’s health.  We will be a resource to help the public find information, services and support related to men’s health.

• Men’s Health Advocacy:

California MHN will be a voice for healthcare policy and practice that responds to the unique health needs of men and addresses disparities in men’s health outcomes.   We will educate lawmakers in Sacramento about men’s health issues in our state.  California MHN will also work to make the public more informed about important discussions and decisions that affect men’s health.

As the new chapter develops, we will be looking for partnerships with other organizations, donors, expert advisors/speakers, fundraisers, and volunteers to help with events.  If you are interested in becoming involved, please contact Brandon Leonard, Director, at brandonl@menshealthnetwork.net.  We would also encourage you to join our fan page on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/CALMHN.  Stay tuned there for more updates!

Come by the Alemany Farmer’s Market in San Francisco this Saturday, June 19 to visit the California MHN booth!

By Ramon P. Llamas, MPH, CHES

“A brush with mortality turns out to be the best way to appreciate how blue the sky is, how sensuous grass feels underfoot, how melodious kids’ voices are,” wrote Nicholas D. Kristof in a recent New York Times op-ed piece.  Mr. Kristof was fortunate, even lucky to have been found with a malignant tumor on his kidney after a CT scan was ordered for another part of his body.  Despite survival rates of less than 50% for kidney cancer, a three-hour operation merely weeks ago left him with a six-inch scar, but more importantly, another chance to appreciate the finer things in life – to “seize the day” more often.

From my perspective Mr. Kristof had a little more than luck on his side.  It is apparent that Mr. Kristof is a proactive participant in his health.  Having been aware enough to notice a problem and the initiative to consult his physician are behaviors that should be encouraged, especially within the male population.  From the stories I have heard in the past from male participants at health education events and fairs, most had not seen a physician for a routine visit in at least 10 years – some even longer!  Female participants on the other hand, have engaged me with questions regarding their concern for their significant other.  This difference in health-seeking behaviors mentioned above partly explains the health disparities presented below:

Life Expectancy at Birth, 2007



Leading Causes of Death, 2006*

Men have a higher death rate for most of the leading causes of death:

Cause of Death                     Men         Women
Heart disease                      248.5         162.2
Cancer                                 220.1         153.6
Injuries (unintentional)         55.2         25.5
Cerebrovascular disease       43.9          42.6

Health can be viewed as a resource for living and it plays a vital role in an individual’s quality of life, as well his educational, social and professional pursuits.  The significant gap in life expectancy results from poorer health outcomes because men are less likely to receive preventive health care and as a consequence, are diagnosed with chronic illnesses at later stages compared to women, thus reducing their likelihood of positive prognoses, therefore increasing costs of treatment and rehabilitation and decreasing their levels of productivity.

When an individual succumbs to illness, the people around them are also affected.  Take for instance a family that temporarily loses its primary source of income because its financial provider begins to undergo treatments for lung cancer.  Both the immediate and extended family will directly experience personal as well as financial burdens.  In addition, many others will experience the health problem indirectly, including the individual’s employer, co-workers and others in the individual’s direct social network.  Therefore, as men continue to struggle with reduced health outcomes when compared to women, many others are also affected simultaneously and actually struggle with them.  Is it reasonable to allow approximately 150 million Americans to live with reduced health outcomes?

Men: take the time this month to assess your health, because we can’t always count on luck to be on our side.

Please feel free to contact me if you have any ideas on how we can change how men view health at ramonl@menshealthnetwork.net.

]]> http://www.talkingaboutmenshealth.com/2010/06/09/more-than-luck/feed/ 2 http://www.talkingaboutmenshealth.com/2010/05/27/investing-in-health/ http://www.talkingaboutmenshealth.com/2010/05/27/investing-in-health/#comments Thu, 27 May 2010 18:55:48 +0000 Sonny Patel, MPH http://www.talkingaboutmenshealth.com/?p=308

By Ramon P. Llamas, MPH

Do women make better doctors?  A recent editorial by Pauline Chen, M.D. in the New York Times posed this thought-provoking question, which led me to recall my previous experiences with physicians of both genders.  It is an interesting concept when you think about it.  So many of the same qualities that mothers generally have – caring, compassion and a nurturing spirit – were possessed by many of the women doctors that I have interacted with.  I won’t go so far as to say that I prefer a female physician over a male, but just based on past experiences, I felt more comfortable when cared for by a female physician.  And while research studies do support the theory that female doctors are considered “better” in the patient’s perspective, the literature also indicates that the patient’s gender also plays an important role.  Dr. Chen indicates that female patients had particular expectations depending on their physician’s gender.  For example, when seen by female physicians, they reported satisfaction when physicians expressed great concern and empathy during the visit.  In contrast, female patients were more satisfied with male physicians who did not overtly show concern or empathy.  Male patients, on the other hand reported satisfaction, regardless of the physician’s gender.  Moreover, female patients were more likely to engage in discussions with their physician regarding their illness compared to their male counterparts.

What does all this actually mean?  Dr. Chen hopes this research serves as a learning opportunity for male students in medical school in order to be as effective in dealing with patients of both genders.  From the patient’s perspective, male health can improve drastically by being as proactive as females are when dealing with health matters.  From my experience working at various health fairs and events while at Men’s Health Network, women were more likely to engage in health-related discussions and participate in free health screenings compared to men.  As May comes to an end, June provides men with a great opportunity.  The entire month in June features local events available to men nationwide in order to raise their awareness on male-specific health concerns.  Men’s Health Network compiles a list of activities from its affiliates across the country in a calendar found on its website, which you can find here.

Men, now is the time to focus on your health.  Much like investing money to prepare for retirement, we should invest in our health now so that we can equally enjoy life in the future.

If you have any ideas, suggestions or want to share your past experiences, please contact me at ramonl@menshealthnetwork.net.

By Luke Manley, MPH

I was recently given the incredible honor to represent my peers as the speaker for the Masters and MPH programs at the 2010 graduate school commencement ceremonies. Our esteemed editor, Mr. Sonny Patel, felt that my speech, while not specifically male-centered, would serve quite well for this month’s blog entry. Of course, as men, we make up roughly half of the population and bear equal responsibility for doing all that we can to work tirelessly to make our society and the world a better place. Additionally, through our actions we must ensure that we leave our children and future generations with a legacy of which we can be proud. Enjoy!

-Luke

Ladies and Gentleman, I cannot possibly express what a privilege it is to stand in front of you all today celebrating what I believe to be the greatest of all achievements: education. The success of any educational institution is not necessarily what their professors can teach, but the extent to which they encourage their students to learn. That is what I have appreciated most about my time here at USC. Time and time again I have been encouraged to not simply be a passive observer in my education, but to challenge myself to think critically, thoroughly, and independently. This came in handy while crafting my speech, since I found myself focused a bit too much on one particular guideline recommending that we avoid being cliché. I began to angst about how I could possibly not be cliché. What do I say? “We’re all doomed”? or “Hey, forget this; let’s go to the beach”? Of course not. What I came to realize is that we live our lives surrounded by maxims and platitudes. Many of us define ourselves by those old chestnuts that we hear from our families, neighbors, politicians, and on TV. So it is with great honor that I present to you the clichés that have remained with me over the years and have defined my unique experience here at USC. I can only hope that they resonate and journey on with you also as you embark upon the next stage of your lives.

First, “Do what you love”. Forbes magazine recently reported that 87% of Americans don’t like their jobs. I, like many of you, have spent much of life surrounded by the concept of the corporate office. Not the funny version on the TV sitcom “The Office” with Steve Carrel, but rather the notion that upwards of 50 years of your life will be spent in an 8-hour, 5-day slog through meetings, memos, and TPS reports. Despite our quintessential American optimism it often seems that disliking your job is just a fact of life; as inevitable as death and taxes. However, I refuse to accept this. Our generation in particular is known for the ability to multi-task, adapt, and innovate. We have grown up with Apple’s iEverything, the rise of Google, and the all-encompassing web of Facebook, YouTube, and Twitter. Our world is no longer defined by just our towns, our cities, or even our countries. The world is now truly our playground, so let’s play!

Second, “Question Authority”. Perhaps nothing is as fluid as knowledge and we in the science profession are acutely aware that what we know is only as true as the results of the next research study. Someone else may have said it first, but I think my father put it best when he said, “Nobody knows nothing”. But why is that a bad thing? The beauty of science has always been its rejection of dogma; it’s embracing of the idea that the world is a continually fascinating and evolving series of questions. Those questions are ours to answer and the world is counting on us to make the effort.

Third, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”. More than ever before we live in a global society where our deeds and actions have ever-greater and far-reaching consequences. Given the ideological differences just in the United States, it is sometimes difficult enough just to identify with some of your own neighbors. However, especially for those of us here today, it is absolutely imperative that we always remember that regardless of how we feel about taxes, religion, or government, our fundamental desires are the same. If there is one single thing that I have learned from my travels it is that people are just people. Those living in the slums of Mumbai don’t want to be poor; the people from Iran aren’t part of an “Axis of Evil”. Regardless of whether you are Indian, Syrian, Burmese, Ethiopian, Peruvian, or American, we all want the same things: to have a full stomach, do something meaningful with our lives, find love, and watch our children grow up. We must always keep in mind that nationality is a choice, but humanity is universal.

In closing I would like to share with you a story. As many of my classmates are aware, I have a profound love for the Middle-East and have taken every opportunity to journey there. A question that I am asked often is “What is your most memorable experience?” and my answer is always the same. My flight landed in Aleppo, Syria at 3 in the morning and I had slept perhaps 2 hours the night before on the metal airport benches during my 24-hour delay in Istanbul, Turkey. Caught in the mad crush of people exiting onto the street, all of a sudden a man charges up to me, mutters my name and leads me into a taxi that looks as if it was taken from a Hollywood crash scene. To this day I don’t know how he knew my name or if it was even my name that I heard. Yet here I was, a blonde-haired, blue-eyed American in one of the oft-mentioned Axes of Evil speeding down a completely dark, deserted road at 3am supposedly in the direction of my hostel. My first two thoughts were “God, I’m glad my mother can’t see this” and “I hope this doesn’t end up with me on YouTube”. Yet I remembered my clichés and in my broken Arabic conversed excitedly with the driver throughout the entire drive. In the end he dropped me off in the deserted alley directly outside the hostel and left me with a genuine smile and perhaps the only English he knew: “Thank you for visit Syria. You are very welcome.”

My point is this: The world is your oyster, so use your brain and follow your heart, but most of all, pursue your passion no matter what others say or however challenging it may seem. In other words, “Just Do It”.

By Armin Brott

For the last 15 years, I have devoted myself to providing men the tools, support, and knowledge to help them become the fathers they want to be——and their families need them to be. As a former Marine, I understand completely the barriers and issues that come up for men when deployment is over and it’s time to return to the wife and kids.  In honor of Armed Forces Day (May 15, 2010), I wanted to reiterate an answer that most military families find useful to the question of “how easy is it to come back home from a long deployment?”

There’s nothing like being away from your family to get you thinking about making life better when you get home. “I’m going to spend more time with the family; not get upset over minor things like spills on the carpet, clogged toilets, or idiot politicians; and help the kids more with their homework.” All are great goals. The problem is that the guy who made those resolutions (you) may not be the same guy who’ll be trying to make them a reality (also you): Although things may look pretty much the same as they did before you left, being deployed has changed you. Lots of other things have changed too:

• Friends. You just spent the 6-12 months (or longer) with some very close friends, living through the same hardships, facing the same dangers, and providing emotional and social support to each other. Friends back home are great, but unless they were deployed too, they probably have no idea what you’ve been through, and you may find that you don’t have much in common anymore.
• Roles. One of the hardest things for returning dads is to figure out how to plug themselves back into their family. It’s natural to imagine that you’ll jump right in and pick up as if you’d never left. That’s a lovely thought, but a completely unrealistic one. While you were gone, your family had to create new routines, new ways of communicating and making decisions, new approaches to discipline. Call is “a new normal.” Mom has been the primary decision maker, the kids have taken on some of your old chores, and no one may be interested in making any changes. That might be okay if someone took over the lawn-mowing duties, but what if someone has taken to sitting in your favorite chair?

While you may be proud that your family came through your deployment in good shape, you may also be a little surprised—and, honestly, a little disappointed. After all, the logic goes, if they thrived so well without you, do they need you anymore? The answer is, Yes. A lot. They love you, too, and want you to be a part of the family again, to resume your duties as teacher, mentor, authority figure, fixer of all things broken, bad joke teller, and heavy lifting guy. It’s just going to take some time. Chances are, you’ll never get back 100 percent to the “old normal,” the way things were. Instead, you, your wife, and your kids will end up creating a completely new routine that combines the best of the pre-deployment and during-deployment ones.

• Even the animals. Some pets may not like having to compete with you for attention, and may resent that you’re sleeping on “their” side of the bed. Be prepared for some unusual behavior and some unpleasant “gifts” (cats are especially fond of punishing their owners for perceived slights . . . ).

• Heck, the whole world seems to have changed. The TV Guide is filled with television shows you’ve never heard of. Menus at your favorite restaurants may have changed—assuming they’re still there at all. Ditto for the guest policy at your local gym. Changes like these—and there will be lots of them—will make settling in to your old/new life a bit harder. Unfortunately, there is no handy While You Were Away: Important Things That Have Changed handbook. You’ll also have to get used to some of the things that haven’t changed but that you got unused to while you were gone. For example, you no longer have to wait in line to use a telephone, and you’re no longer limited to watching old, scratched-up DVDs on your base computer. Now, you can actually go to a theater to see a first-run movie, or get an almost-first-run movie from Netflix. And you can, gasp, actually watch live television (although you may not want to. How many crime shows do we actually need? Keep an eye out for CSI: Peoria).

While some of these changes are good, others may be more troubling. For example, it’s going to take a while for you to stop worrying that every car that pulls up alongside you might be a potential suicide bomber or part of an ambush. And it could take years before you’re able to stop ducking for cover every time you hear a loud noise or a bang. These things won’t just affect you. It can be more than a little frustrating for your family to have you constantly worrying that you’re about to be blown up.

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Blurb about today’s Guest Blogger:

Armin Brott, a nationally recognized parenting expert, is known worldwide as Mr. Dad. He is the leading author of books on fatherhood, which have sold millions of copies worldwide.  Armin writes the nationally syndicated column, “Ask Mr. Dad,” and hosts the “Positive Parenting” radio show. For more information, please visit his website at www.mrdad.com.