By Brandon Leonard, MA

Although summer break for many Americans is inconceivably more than half over, there are still many vacations, barbeques and outdoor games to be had. While you’re enjoying the sunshine, make sure you’re being nice to your skin. This is of particular concern to men, who on average spend more time outdoors for both work and play than women. Unfortunately, men also appear to be less aware of the risks of sun exposure and do less to protect themselves when they’re outside. According to the Skin Cancer Foundation, white men over 50 are the demographic with the highest rate of skin cancer, and men in general are less like to take precautions or to quickly deal with skin issues when they do develop. Do men just care less about taking care of themselves? The results of a 2006 study about the prevalence of sun-care products in popular U.S. magazines suggests that part of the issue is simply lack of awareness. Analyzing summer issues of the magazines, the researchers found that 77% of advertising for sunscreen and similar products occurred in women’s magazines, while publications targeting men such as outdoor recreation magazines included such ads only once every six issues on average. There’s a self-perpetuating cycle of public perception that men don’t care as much about their health, and then less information targeting men with products and suggestions that can help them avoid serious health issues.

I’m not suggesting that sunscreen is the ultimate solution to skin diseases such as melanoma. But certainly, using the appropriate kind and amount of these products is one of the best ways to protect yourself if you’re going to be outside. Other simple suggestions: don’t leave home without a hat and sunglasses, and when possible wear a long-sleeve shirt to better protect your arms (wear sunscreen anyway). For some helpful tips on when, where and what type of sunscreen to use, take a look at this page from the Skin Cancer Foundation: http://www.skincancer.org/sunscreens-explained.html. One important note is that clouds don’t keep all of the sun’s rays from reaching your skin – so get in the habit of wearing some sunscreen daily, no matter what the weather is like. Equally important is being aware of changes in your skin such as moles and sores that could be symptomatic of cancer or other serious diseases. Some helpful tips on what to look for can be found here: http://www.skincancer.org/Self-Examination/. When you spot changes or irregularities, be sure to see a doctor right away. Finally, help your family and friends by encouraging them to protect themselves from overexposure to the sun and to perform regular self-examinations to catch any problems early. Enjoy the rest of your summer, and don’t forget to take care of your skin!

References:

“Men and Skin Cancer: Solving the Knowledge Gap.” The Skin Cancer Foundation. 2010. http://www.skincancer.org/Self-Examination/.

“BU dermatology study says sunscreen advertising doesn’t reach men.” BU Today. June 7, 2006. http://www.bu.edu/today/node/1569

By Diana Stobo

Many people, including nutritionist, still think that you cannot get enough protein without eating meat, fish, or chicken. But is this really true?  I don’t eat meat, I am in decent shape, my body is lean but not small.  I have good musculature and strong bones.  I walk/run 5 days a week, do yoga and lift weights at times.  I am always full of energy, don’t need too much sleep, unless it’s winter, then I hibernate. I am a over 80% raw and mostly Vegan.  Am I truly at a deficit if I am not eating animal flesh?   The question for me really is how much do “the experts” say we need, as apposed to how much we really need?  I  don’t have the answer, but if “the experts” are right, then I had better start eating MORE Spinach!

“The National Academy of Sciences (NAS) has set the daily Recommended Dietary Allowances (RDAs) of protein for males, 19 years old and older, at 56 grams and for females, 14 years old and older, at 46 grams.  Pregnant and lactating women require an additional 25 grams of protein per day for a total of 71 grams.  Though not proven, athletes who are doing strenuous aerobic exercises may need extra protein. If you’re doing regular, strenuous resistant or weight-lifting exercises, your body is actually producing more of its own protein so you don’t really need to be eating an extra amount.”

However, this is mostly disregarded as a standard because the theory is that you need a a certain amount of protein in direct relation to your body weight.  Of course this number varies depending on who you are talking too   The basic formula is the number of grams of protein you need is your body weight (in pounds) multiplied by 0.37.   So, if you weigh in at 170 pounds, you need to eat 63 grams of protein a day (170 x 0.37 = 62.9).  Here is a handy chart to help you get the gist of how to plan your next meal:

Body Weight Proteins (Grams)

• 110            41
• 120            44
• 130            48
• 140            52
• 150            55
• 160            59
• 170            63
• 180            67
• 190            70
• 200            74
• 210            78
• 220            81
• 230            85
• 240            89

But, what is a gram of protein and how do we measure that in pounds?

There are 454 grams in a pound.

The average cut of beef (T-Bone, Filet, Porterhouse, etc.) is about 25% protein.  So, if you require 70 grams of protein a day, a 10-ounce steak will take care of all of this. (454/16=28 x 10 = 280 x 0.25 = 70)  The fact is, anyone who eats meat, chicken or fish on a daily basis is probably getting enough protein when you add all the other sources and there are many.

A 10 ounce cut Top Sirloin has approximately 575 calories, 39.4grams of saturated fat, 191 mg of cholesterol, not to mention the addictive qualities, the difficulty in digesting, the inability to digest the proteins completely for lack of enzymatic activity, unless of course it is rare and all natural, then you may still have some live activity in the beef.  But our discussion is solely on Protein, so let’s focus!

Now, if you were to rely solely on spinach, which has 49 % bio-available protein,  you’d need to eat 12 cups of spinach to get your 70 gram requirement.  That would only be about 84 calories, no fat, with the added benefit of about 800mg of potassium. Many vegetables contain protein, but just eating a variety of them as your only source will probably not add up to the minimum requirement.  Add in some beans, lentils, nuts, and whole grains though, and things start adding up.  Here’s a list of protein rich foods not including meat, chicken or fish, I also excluded dairy products, to stay true to my discussion:

• Food                            Serving Size        Amount Protein
• Avocado                           1                                5 grams
• Spirulina                         1 Tbsp                   10 grams
• Soybeans                         1 cup cooked         29 grams
• Shitake mushrooms      8 ounces                  5 grams
• Sesame seeds                  1 ounce                     5 grams
• Black beans                     1 cup                      15 grams
• Lima beans                      1 cup                      14 grams
• Lentils                               1 cup                      17 grams
• Kidney beans                   1 cup                      15 grams
• Pinto beans                      1 cup                      14 grams
• Navy beans                      1 cup                      15 grams
• Tempeh                            4 ounces                 20 grams
• Tofu                                   4 ounces                   9 grams
• Oats cooked                    1 cup                        6 grams
• Tomato                              1                            1.5 grams
• Pumpkin seeds               ¼ cup                     8.5 grams
• Peanuts                            ¼ cup                    9.5 grams
• Almonds                           ¼ cup                      7 grams
• Kale                                    1 cup                       2.2 grams
• Mustard greens               1 cup                        3 grams
• Spinach                             1 cup                        5 grams
• Romaine lettuce              2 cups                       2 grams
• Mushrooms                     5 ounces                  4 grams
• Asparagus                        1 cup                    4.5 grams
• Broccoli                            1 cup                    4.5 grams
• Swiss chard                      1 cup                       3 grams
• Collard greens                 1 cup                       4 grams
• Cauliflower                       1 cup                       2 grams
• Brussel sprouts                1 cup                       4 grams
• Miso                                   1 ounce                   4 grams
• Turnip greens                  1 cup                    1.5 grams
• Green beans                     1 cup                    2.5 grams
• Cabbage                            1 cup                   1.5 grams
• Squash                              1 cup                    1.5 grams
• Garlic                               1 ounce                 1.5 grams

If you’re a vegan,or just getting Naked  it’s fairly easy to get enough protein listed on the chart above—2 cup spinach (Popeyes passion-12 grams), 1 cup lentils, tomato, avocado (Lentil tostadas in Get Naked Fast -26 grams), 1 quart green juice (18 grams), ¼ cup almonds (almond Milk-7 grams) 1 cup romaine lettuce, 1 oz sesame seeds (My Big fat greek Salad- Get Naked Fast-7 grams), and of course in these recipes are other sources of protein as well.

This being said,  it is all more complicated than you may think.  Protein is a complex molecule comprised of a combination of different amino acids, and not all proteins contain all of the amino acids.  Eight of these are refered to as “essential” because your body cannot manufacture them on its own.  The others are “nonessential” for the opposite reason. The menu that I have comprised above contains most if not all essential amino acids, based on the variety of vegetables, grains , seeds and nuts.  These plant-based proteins are bio-available for your body and easily digestible.

Now, we just ate a menu for a full grown man of 190 pounds, based on suggested protein- if the chart above feels accurate to you, modify for your body size.  Most important is quality of protein grams over quantity, for losing weight, maintaining healthy tissue, and keeping metabolism functioning at full potential.  If you are really interested in the most usable source of a complete protein, add fresh sprouts to every meal you eat.  Nothing promotes health and healing or contains more life force energy than fresh live sprouts!

And Bon appetite-  nothing tastes better than healthy food!

——–

Blurb about today’s Guest Blogger:

Diana Stobo lives in Northern California with her husband and three children. She is a classically trained Cornell culinary artist and raw food advocate who healed herself through food. She teaches the raw food lifestyle in classes, retreats and live presentations on local television and in Whole Foods Markets. An inspirational and motivational speaker, Diana changes lives with her delicious and fully accessible recipes that make maintaining the raw lifestyle easy and fun to incorporate. You can find more information about Diana Stobo’s work, including recipes and more helpful tips about raw food, at www.DianaStobo.com.

For those who do not regularly watch weekend news, what I am about to tell you may come to you as a surprise. Fox News has officially started a weekly Saturday segment dedicated to men’s health. Yes, it is incredible and a great first step toward educating the public about the prominent issues in men’s health. Few weeks ago, I had the privilege to sit down with Dr. David Samadi, who is also part of Men’s Health Network’s Board of Advisors. He ensured me that the segments will not dance around the issues just for TV entertainment, but it will cover great preventable advice along with giving the cliff notes of the subject manner. Still skeptic? Check out Dr. Samadi’s latest clips about preventing stroke and coronary heart disease on Fox News below, and then let me know what you think!

By Luke Manley, MPH

When you reflect on what it means to be a Man, you probably think in much the same way as generations of men have before you.  The tough Western cowboy, the dutiful soldier, or the heroic fireman. Chances are you don’t consider Adam Sandler’s Billy Madison, Seth McFarlane’s Peter Griffin, or any of the current crop of male TV sitcom characters to be pillars of Masculinity.  Yet while the stoic, focused, and responsible male archetype has persisted for generations, it seems that at no other point in our history has the reality deviated so sharply from the ideal.

In a fascinating new novel, cultural historian Gary Cross explores the modern epidemic of man-boyhood that first infected parts of the WWII generation, spread most noticeably in the Boomer generation, and has now become a part of the cultural genome of the Gen X’ers and Millennials.  Don’t believe it?  Just take a look at the way men are overwhelmingly portrayed in the most popular TV shows and movies.  Awkward, whiny characters stuck in a perpetual state of immaturity that in most cases must be dragged, kicking and screaming away from their toys and into adulthood. Toys that are indistinguishable from those in which they indulged ad nauseum during their teenage and college years.  These man-boys view responsibility and formerly respectable activities such as excelling in a career, marriage, and raising a family as an albatross at best and at worst a curse to be avoided at all costs.  Once resigned to this domestic purgatory, we nurture our portrayal as bumbling, beer-swilling, video-game-addicted, good-for-nothings.  Consider the cultural icons of the older generations, such as Cary Grant, Robert Redford, Humphrey Bogart, and Paul Newman and compare it to today’s stars.  Adam Sandler, Seth Rogen, Hugh Grant, and Russel Brand.  Men whose characters celebrate and revel in their desire to avoid commitment and responsibility.  Most frightening of all is that the statistics bear out this shift.  Surely exacerbated by the current financial crisis, which has hit men especially hard, a staggering 55% of American men between 18 and 24 years old and 13% between 25 and 34 are currently living with their parents.  This is compared to only 8% of women in the same situation.  The average age for marriage has been climbing steadily over the years and now over 16 percent of men reach their early 40s without marrying, up from only 6% in 1980.  What do the statistics say men are doing with all this extra time?  Sadly, not working on their careers, but rather indulging in the same activities that they were unable to leave behind in college.  For example, the average video game player was 18 years old a decade ago.  Want to take a guess at the mean age now?  If you guessed 33 you would be, sadly, correct.

Most interesting is that Mr. Cross traces the roots of much of this change back to the men of the Baby Boomer generation and their rejection of their father’s passive involvement in their childhood.  These men brought about what in many ways was a sea change in the paternal-child relationship, making it acceptable for fathers to no longer be merely the disciplinarian, but take on roles that had always been traditionally reserved for women.  They paved the way for the modern emotionally available, stay-at-home, soccer dads.  However, in subsequent generations this laissez-faire approach to fatherhood appears to have caused an unintended confusion about the role of manhood.   In the quest to dismantle the father-as-authoritarian and regain some of our boyhood to connect more with our kids, we have failed to produce a proper alternative role-model to which men can aspire.  This ambiguousness has led to much of the current culture of men as the loveable, useless, lounge-about; dad as the easy-going playmate that flouts the rules as often as the kids.

Now don’t get me wrong, no one laughs harder at Forgetting Sarah Marshall and Happy Gilmore than I and there is nothing I look forward to more than playing a twilight game of hide-and-seek or having summer water-balloon battles with my kids.  Yet there has to exist a healthy mix of 1950’s responsible disciplinarian and 2010’s lovable playmate (my vote is for Mike Brady or Cliff Huxtable).  There is a dignity and nobility in the balance of softness and strength, a trait that our wives and girlfriends will surely appreciate and which our sons and daughters will benefit from and remember far more than how to beat Level 5 of Rock Band.  I don’t need my kids to call me “Sir”, but I sure as heck don’t want them calling me “Dude”.

References

“Men to Boys: The Making of Modern Immaturity”. Gary Cross. 2010. Book Review: http://cup.columbia.edu/book/978-0-231-14430-8/men-to-boys

Excerpt from “Men to Boys: The Making of Modern Immaturity. History News Network. George Mason University. 2008. http://hnn.us/articles/53417.html

The Basement Boys: The making of modern immaturity. Newsweek. George F. Will. 2010. http://www.newsweek.com/2010/03/07/the-basement-boys.html

By Jed Diamond, Ph.D.

I began working on my male menopause series when I turned 50.  The changes hit me like a ton of bricks.  Everything seemed to be falling apart at once.  My erections were going south, my hormones were dropping off, my energy was going down, my sleeplessness was increasing, my prostate was enlarging.  My children were growing up and leaving home.

I wanted answers in the worst way.  And I wasn’t alone.  Mid-life men and women weren’t content to slip quietly into old age.  When I began research for the book Male Menopause most people laughed at the idea.  Well, really to be truthful, most men laughed at the idea.  Most of the women I talked to said things like, “Well, it’s about time men finally figured out that they are as hormonal as women.”

I said, “After completing four years of research, I concluded that midlife men have significant hormonal and physiological changes and that ‘male menopause’ was the proper name to describe what all men experience as they move from the first half of life to the second.”

When I began my research, I assumed I would find that men and women differed greatly in how they experienced the “change of life.”  I expected women’s changes to be more physiological and hormonal and men’s changes to be more psychological and social.  But it turned out that as many women suspected, men were every bit as hormonally driven as were women.

And once again I ran into a resistant belief system.  In our youth oriented culture, we didn’t want to believe that hormonal and physiological changes were impacting men.  In fact, most physicians I talked to felt that “male menopause” was a myth.  However, in England, Germany, Denmark, Russia, Australia, and many other countries more and more medical professional were recognizing the reality of male menopause.

Here’s what I said about Male Menopause:

Male menopause (also called viropause or andropause) begins with hormonal, physiological, and chemical changes that occur in all men generally between the ages of forty and fifty-five, though it can occur as early as thirty-five or as late as sixty-five.  These changes affect all aspects of a man’s life.  Male menopause is, thus, a physical condition with psychological, interpersonal, social, and spiritual dimensions.

The purpose of male menopause is to signal the end of the first part of a man’s life and prepare him for the second half.  Male menopause is not the beginning of the end, as many fear, but the end of the beginning.  It is the passage to the most passionate, powerful, productive, and purposeful time of a man’s life.

The three books in the series, Male Menopause, Surviving Male Menopause, and The Whole Man Program became best-sellers throughout the world and were translated into more than 30 foreign languages.  As more and more men move into and through the male menopause passage, we continue to learn more about what it means to be a male today.

Although, they became world-wide best-sellers, what was most satisfying was that they honored the memory of my father.  Going through his own “male menopause passage,” he tried to commit suicide.  No one understood what was going on for him and he was shipped off to a mental hospital.  It didn’t have to be that way.

I know I’ve been able to save thousands of families from going through what we went through.  Male Menopause is real and it can be treated.  Men don’t need to suffer the despair that overwhelmed my father.

—–

Blurb about Guest Blogger:

Dr. Jed Diamond have been helping men, and the women who love them, for the last 44 years. He has written 8 books, including Male Menopause, The Irritable Male Syndrome, and Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places. He is passionate about helping transform relationships and make the world a better place for us all. For more information, please go to www.menalive.com.

By Adam Dougherty, MPH

Apt parenting is at the very core of our social construct, and the paternal role is a vital linkage in this fabric. Beyond the mere biological need to reproduce, we unequivocally understand that the father figure has nothing less than an obligation to protect, nurture, guide, and edify their young into capable independence. And, this commitment undoubtedly solidifies into unparalleled achievement; a recent Rasmussen Report found 71% of American adults continue to believe that fatherhood is the most important role a man can fill.

Realizing the fundamental essence of fatherhood, it is no mistake that the closing of Men’s Health Week lies on Father’s Day. Today, the accomplishments of men’s health advocates and fathers everywhere will be nationally recognized as the House votes to pass H.Con.Res. 288 – Supporting National Men’s Health Week (Rep. Cummings).

The Obama Administration has also made fatherhood a priority. The proposed FY2011 budget includes $500 million for a new Fatherhood, Marriage, and Families Innovation Fund that would be geared towards programs to strengthen families and would provide funds for transitional employment programs for unemployed, non-custodial parents. In collaboration with the NFL Players’ Association and the national PTA, the President also recently launched a new Fatherhood and Mentoring Initiative where people can sign up to receive e-newsletters containing information and mentoring tips from fatherhood and family leaders. Join the Initiative at www.fatherhood.gov/initative.

I would like to personally thank all our readers for their continued awareness and support of fatherhood initiatives such as these, and most importantly I want to wish my mentor, hero, and dad a very happy Father’s Day for guiding me on the path to manhood.

By Ramon P. Llamas, MPH, CHES

Imagine this: a father pushing his child in a stroller, fulfilling his duties as a father, seen as attractive and potentially “the new kind of manly.”  Author Katrin Bennhold describes this new definition of masculinity in her article, “In Sweden, Men Can Have It All,” as a “most striking example of social engineering.”  Ms. Bennhold chronicles the country’s progressive policies that currently provide men with up to two months paternity leave, roughly 15% of the time allotted for women.  Currently, the elections in September could possibly grant more time off for fathers.

The current policy as well as the support to increase paternity leave is a bold and innovative concept.  Providing paternity leave to fathers not only assists mothers in child-rearing, but it also reinforces the role that fathers play in raising a child.  Moreover, women have received larger incomes and reduced divorce rates as a result.  A study that examines this public policy’s effect on children, specifically graduation rates and juvenile delinquency has the potential to influence policymakers.

I strongly believe that policies like the aforementioned could create a huge impact in any society.  The task at hand, however, is daunting.  A policy can only go so far.  The individuals, in this case the fathers, themselves have to understand that it is hard work to care for a child.  They also have to be willing to put in the work.

I would like to wish all of the fathers out there a very happy and safe Father’s Day.  And please, take an active role in your child’s life.

Any thoughts as to whether a policy to establish paternity leave could pass in the US?  Please, if you have any questions or comments, email me at ramonl@menshealthnetwork.net.

By Armin Brott

At some point not long after the baby is born, just about every new father gets hit with a sharp jolt of reality: he’s a father–with new responsibilities, new pressures, new expectations to live up to. For some of us, this seemingly basic little epiphany comes early, before we leave the hospital. But for others, reality may not hit for a few days. Sooner or later, though, we all come to realize that our lives have changed forever. Sometimes the changes are subtle, sometimes not so subtle. But they’re almost always surprising.

1. You may be confused. If there’s one thing that sets the first few months of fatherhood apart from the net few years it’s the confusing and often conflicting emotions you may feel. On the one hand there’s the virility, power, and pride at having created a new life. On the other, the feelings of helplessness when you can’t satisfy (or sometimes even understand) your baby’s needs.

Maria (_overfly_), “Papa” October 31, 2008 via Flickr, Creative Commons Attribution.

2. You’ll discover a new and different kind of love. There’s no comparing the all-consuming love you’ll have for your child with the love you have for any other person. Maurice Sendak may have captured the feeling better than any other writer in a scene from Where the Wild Things Are where the monsters plead with Max not to leave them: “Please don’t go,” they say. “We’ll eat you up we love you so.”

3. You’ll feel ambivalence. One day, completely out of the blue, you’ll look at your baby and realize that the intense passion you felt just the day before has been replaced by a numb, hollow feeling. Do you know this child? Do you care? You’ll feel like bagging this whole dad thing and starting a new life somewhere else. Chances are the very next thing you’ll feel is incredible guilt at having had these feelings in the first place. After all, if you aren’t head-over-heels in love your child 100% of the time you’re not a good father, right? Wrong. Ambivalence is a perfectly normal part of being a dad and you’re going to have the same feelings dozens of times over the next 50 years. So get used to it now.

4. You may get depressed. Yep, it’s true. Even though most people think that postpartum blues are a women’s thing, plenty of guys get depressed after their babies are born. Our blues, though, aren’t hormonally based like our partners’, but may, in fact, have more to do with returning to reality. When you were an expectant and brand new dad, people paid more attention to you and probably cut you a little slack. But after a few weeks it’s back to the grid at work, plus you’ve got to deal with all the bills, the sleep interruption, and the extra laundry at home. That’s enough to depress anyone.

5. You’ll be afraid. The first few months of fatherhood are simply littered with fears: that you won’t be able to live up to your expectations of what it means to be a father; that you might not be able to protect your child or your family from harm, that you won’t be able to adequately provide for your family, that you don’t know what to do with your child, that you’ll be too much–or not enough–like your own father, that you’ve made a horrible mistake. These fears and many others are a completely normal part of making the transition from man and husband to father. Some will go away as your skills increase, others will go away with time. But sooner or later they almost all go away.

6. Your relationship with your partner will change. Before you became parents, you and your partner spend a lot of time together, nurturing each other and making your relationship stronger. But once your baby shows up everything changes: now the focus of just about every thing you do is on your baby. You barely have time to sleep let alone do the things that brought you and your partner together in the first place. If at all possible, try to carve out some time, even if it’s only a few minutes a day, to spend talking with your partner–about something other than the baby.

7. You’ll take your baby’s “opinions” a little too seriously. For the first six to eight weeks of life, your baby probably won’t give you much feedback about how you’re doing as a father: no smiles, no laughing, not much response in any way at all. In fact, just about all he’ll do is cry. It’s very easy to take your baby’s lack of enthusiasm as some kind of referendum on your worth as a dad. Don’t. If you back off, your baby will too. So hang in there for a little longer–it’s well worth the wait.

8. You’ll learn new ways of being loved. Over the next few months, as you learn to master your baby’s cues and meet his needs, your baby will learn to love you–and to express that love in the most amazing ways. And the first time that your baby coos as you or hugs you or falls asleep on your chest absentmindedly stroking your shoulder you’ll discover the true meaning of life.

9. Your baby will teach you about planning–and flexibility. Before you became a parent getting ready to leave the house meant grabbing your wallet and car keys and making sure the oven was off. But now, going on a trip to the grocery store with your baby in two takes as much planning as an expedition to Mt. Everest. That’s assuming that your baby doesn’t fill her diaper two or three times just as you’re walking out the door.

10. You’ll talk about very different things than you used to. If someone would have told you a year ago that you’d be willingly participating in long discussions with your friends about projectile vomit, leaky breasts, episiotomies, and the color and consistency of the contents of a diaper, you’d have laughed yourself silly. But you’re doing it, right? And you’re loving it too.

Lastly and importantly to all fathers – new and old everywhere, Happy Father’s Day!

——

Blurb about today’s Guest Blogger:

Armin Brott, a nationally recognized parenting expert, is known worldwide as Mr. Dad. He is the leading author of books on fatherhood, which have sold millions of copies worldwide.  Armin writes the nationally syndicated column, “Ask Mr. Dad,” and hosts the “Positive Parenting” radio show. For more information, please visit his website at www.mrdad.com.

By John Lee

Passivity in men has been one of the least studied, discussed, and explained aspects of masculine psychology. Understanding passivity is an essential and important key to creating healthy relationships, increasing self-esteem and healing the bodies, minds, and spirits of men who are hurting or hurting others.

Passivity is a compulsion or learned tendency to live at half-speed which ultimately many men feeling their glass is half-empty and thus they half-heartedly committing to projects, plans and goals. Passive men are half in and half out of relationships.  Passive men are more attached to not having what they think they want or desire, even though they protest loudly this is not so.

A client of mine, James, is 40 and a very successful real estate agent who earns a high six figure income. During a session he said, “I work all the time on my marriage. I’m in therapy, I read books and I regularly attend self-help workshops. No one can say I’m passive.” When asked about his marriage he quickly replied, “I want more physical contact, more touching, and yes, more sex, but I don’t get hardly any at all.”

James wants his wife, Brenda, to be more affectionate and yet he indulges in a whole host of behaviors that guarantees he won’t get this and actually gets him just the opposite of what he thinks and says he really wants.

I asked him to give me an example of his efforts to get affection from his wife, so I could see and show him his passivity and addiction to not having what he says he wants.

James said, “I go into the living room all the time and Brenda is on the couch watching television for hours on end. I say something like, ‘Can’t you turn that thing off for a little while? There’s nothing intelligent or worth watching on TV. I don’t know why you watch these silly shows.’ But she never agrees and I end up storming out of the room frustrated as usual.”

I jokingly said, “How’s that working for you?” Then I offered a suggestion. “Try sitting on the living room couch next to her; gently lifting her legs and placing them on your lap while you massage her feet, instead of shaming, criticizing, demeaning, and judging her. Then simply ask her what’s on that you two can watch together.”

He looked at me like I was speaking in a foreign tongue; in a way it was an unfamiliar language because it was the language of compassion and assertiveness. James looked a little dumbfounded before saying, “No, I have never even thought of it. It sounds so simple. I can see me doing that but I never would have thought to do so. I wonder why?” he said very seriously.

It was because of his passivity and his fears of rejection, abandonment and intimacy.

By the way, he tried my suggestion the very next week. “We got up off the couch ten minutes after doing what you suggested. She looked at me and said ‘Who are you?’ Before I could answer she laughed and said, ‘Never mind, I like this,’ and we got up and got in bed and made love for the first time in a year.”

This same man devoted an exorbitant amount of time to reading about relationships and marital counseling. He said he worked all the time on his marriage. But in reality, he thought his wife had the problem and not him.

Passivity is difficult to identify because one of the greatest tricks a passive man plays on themselves goes something like this, “Look how hard I work. I work eighty hours a week and am the CEO of a large company. How can anyone label me as passive?” or “Look how much I work on myself, how can I be passive?” “Can’t you see I’m suffering? Isn’t that proof that I’m not attached to passivity?”

One of the main symptoms of passivity (we’ll go into many more later) is being out of balance in our personal and professional lives. The passive man’s creed is, “I’m bored,” or “I’m feeling overwhelmed”, and they think the world acts on them and moves them rather than being actors and movers.

It is important to note that passivity causes you to react rather than act, control rather than respond, manipulate rather than make, or self-destruct instead of create. The passivity I am discussing is NOT to be confused with passive/aggressive behaviors, timidity, shyness, apathy, or laziness. It is also not to be misconstrued as “surrendering” or “letting go,” “turning it over,” or “passive resistance.” All of these are very active processes that actually energize the ones doing so. The passivity that is being discussed here is more closely akin to “giving up,” “feeling defeated,” “settling for,” or feeling “unsatisfied.”

Passivity is a learned behavior; a reaction to life that can be unlearned. In part II of this article I will provide readers with concrete solutions to the passivity problem.

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Blurb about today’s Guest Blogger:

John Lee  has been a leader and author in men’s health issues for over a decade. Lee began his career as a professor at Austin Community College, the University of Alabama, and the University of Texas.  He has written 18 self-help, psychology, recovery, creativity, or relationship non-fiction books that explore men’s health issues, like alcoholism and co-dependency.  In addition to literature, Lee has advocated for the maintenance and improvement of men’s health in magazines, like Newsweek and on shows such as Oprah and 20/20.  In 1986, Lee co-founded Primary, Emotional, Energy, Recovery (P.E.E.R.), a training program for counselors, social workers, and psychotherapists.  Two years later, he founded and directed Austin’s Men’s Center, a counseling center that specializes in men’s issues.  In the late 1980’s, he opened his own private practice in Austin, Texas specializing in men’s issues, relationships, adult children of alcoholics, and co-dependency. His latest two books, The Anger Solution and When the Buddha Met Bubba, are on sale now on Amazon.com. More information about John Lee can be found on his web site www.johnleebooks.com and on his daily blog at http://openingtheheartnow.blogspot.com.

By Sonny Patel, MPH

Men’s Health Week has officially started and if you weren’t aware from all the twitter and facebook messages, please let us at TAMH be the first to welcome you to the “please send men to the doctors” movement as I call it. There’s so much going on and news being shared this week that I thought I would give you the quick highlights of what to check out so far.

USA Today article – Your Health: New dads can be a cautious lot – Highlights one of our guest blogger Armin Brott!
http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/painter/2010-06-14-yourhealth14_ST_N.htm?loc=interstitialskip

Men’s Health Network (@MensHlthNetwork) – June’s Men’s Health Calendar – All your needs for what’s happening around the nation as MHN tried to incorporated all things Men’s health related into one calendar.
http://www.menshealthnetwork.org/calendar.htm
http://www.menshealthmonth.org/week/index.html

California Chapter of MHN - If you are in San Francisco this weekend, come out to the Alemany Farmer’s Market in San Francisco this Saturday, June 19 to visit the California MHN booth! Make sure to say that you heard it from TAMH! 

CDC – Even CDC is getting into the action of Men’s Health week
http://www.cdc.gov/men/nmhw/

Social Security (@socialsecurity) - Social Security has a Father’s Day campaign to help those men to qualify for medicare prescription drug plan. www.socialsecurity.gov/extrahelp

Help Dad this Father’s Day with Extra Help!

This Father’s Day, tell your dad or someone you love about changes in the law that make it easier than ever to qualify for Extra Help with Medicare prescription drug plan costs. Thanks to a change in the law effective January 1, 2010, more people may qualify for an average of $3,900 in prescription drug savings.

For more information, go to www.socialsecurity.gov/extrahelp. It’s easy to help your dad apply for Extra Help. Just complete Social Security’s online Application for Extra Help with Medicare Prescription Drug Plan Costs. Also, you can call Social Security at 1-800-772-1213 (TTY 1-800-325-0778) to apply over the phone or request an application, or you can apply at a local Social Security office.

U.S. Department of Health and Human Services’ Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality and Ad Council – There’s two wonderful PSAs recently done by AHRQ and AdCouncil. Thanks to them for allowing us to post it here on TAMH, and please view both PSAs: Warranty and New Home  (there’s a drop down box to watch other PSA).  For the whole press release, please check out http://multivu.prnewswire.com/mnr/adcouncil/44387/

Need electronic Father’s Day card? Why not send a Healthy E-card to your Father brought to you by AHRQ and Ad Council!  http://www.dadtothedoc.org/

Feel free to tweet about anything I mention above and send me (@sonnypatel) your thoughts on Men’s health efforts happening this week in your area along with your comments on the PSAs  by AHRQ and Ad Council.

Until next time, live well and be well!

-Sonny