Masturbation: Part 2 – What Not to Do

Masturbation technique is a highly individualistic topic. Most men figured out how to give themselves an orgasm during puberty. Early on, men tend to fixate on one technique to reach climax and that becomes their technique. It’s what they do. It’s comfortable, it’s reassuring, it’s dependable, and it always works. 

A guy’s personal technique, discovered during adolescent sex play, will usually become a pattern for life. For some men, their masturbation technique is benign; it’s harmless. For many men, their technique can create problems (whether they realize it or not) and get in the way of having successful partnered sex.

It is very common for young boys to discover that lying on their stomachs and rubbing their penis on their mattress is pretty intense. And, yeah, it produces a lot of friction. The frenulum – the most sensitive part of the penis – gets the brunt of pressure and stimulation. The penis can actually get quite hot if the motion is fast enough and some guys have even developed calluses. Eventually, the boy (now a man) needs that level of stimulation to reach climax. It doesn’t take much reflection to realize that a vagina can’t deliver the same level of stimulation as a high-friction bed sheet! The man is unable to ejaculate and both partners get frustrated and wonder what is wrong.

Ok. Some guys might think this is a pretty extreme example. So, let’s consider the more popular techniques. Most guys use the standard fist pump for masturbation. Depending on frequency, strength of grip, speed, and lube, this technique can be harmless…or not. If a guy is using lube, using a fairly loose grip, and not creating high-friction, this is a great way to masturbate. But some guys latch onto their dry, unlubed penis like a vice and pound it with force and intensity. Eventually their penis gets used to that level of abuse and again, there is no way a vagina can compete with that.

It is a well-documented fact that as men age, their penis becomes less sensitive. With rough masturbation, this desensitization becomes more pronounced. In our medical offices, we see it quite often. Men come in, unable to ejaculate vaginally, their partner is upset, they are embarrassed, and both are blaming themselves. During their intake interview, we talk about masturbation habits. We find out that many of these men have been desensitizing their penis for decades and it has finally caught up with them.

I urge ALL men, young or old, to use some kind of lubricant for masturbation. It can be hand cream, lotion, or sex lubes. Whatever your choice, make sure it is safe for your skin and won’t irritate the meatus (the opening at the tip of the penis). For example, many guys have learned that masturbating in the shower with soap can be risky business! It can burn like crazy if it gets inside the penis. Some experts like Albolene because it is mostly mineral oil and petroleum jelly. I recommend refined Coconut Oil. It is organic, edible, non-staining, and good for your skin! At $10 a jar, it is a lot less expensive than any sex lube. Oh, it’s also safe for vaginal sex!

Be kind to your penis. Take care of it, treat it gently, and it will give you a lifetime of pleasure!

Paul Nelson

View posts by Paul Nelson
Paul is an AASECT certified sexuality educator and a clinical medical assistant.  He is president of the Erectile Dysfunction Foundation, and founder of FrankTalk.org, the largest online community for men’s sexual dysfunctions and maintains a private practice at theEDcoach.com.  He works in New York City with Dr. Michael Werner (www.wernermd.com) as a patient/sexuality educator.  Paul is an instructor at the Institute for Sexuality Education and Enlightenment. He is an advocate for men’s reproductive health and has appeared on ABC News with Diane Sawyer, NPR’s Talk of the Nation, the BBC, and the New York Times. Paul is a member of the AUA, ISSM, AASECT, and SMSNA.

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  1. […] Masturbation technique is a highly individualistic topic. Most men figured out how to give themselves an orgasm during puberty. Early on, men tend to fixate on one technique to reach climax and that becomes their technique.  […]

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