Dear Mr. Dad: Our 5-year-old daughter has several special needs. My wife and I love her unconditionally, but I have to admit that parenting her has affected our marriage. Part of the tension comes from the fact that she and I don’t respond to the stress the same way. Do you think there’s anything we can do to get on the same page?
A: The best thing you can do is learn to accept your differences. Fathers and mothers have different parenting styles, and the same applies when they’re raising a child with special needs. Neither approach is better than the other. And generally speaking, kids are better off when they’re exposed to both styles.
Unfortunately, accurate data on children with special needs is almost impossible to come by—in part because not everyone uses the same definition. Some include only physical or cognitive disabilities (including asthma, autism, cancer, and cerebral palsy). Others add in “invisible” disabilities such as dyslexia.
Parenting a child with any type of special needs affects everyone in the family differently. Mothers typically worry more about the emotional strain of caring for a child, whether the child will have friends, and how he or she will do socially. Fathers are often concerned with more practical things, such as how the child will function in school and whether the child will eventually become self-sufficient. And then there’s the financial piece, which can trigger an unfortunate vicious circle.
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